Mom insists that her 20-year-old daughter who has lived on her own since she was 18 give her her birth certificate, Social Security card, and passport: 'She thinks that she has a right to all of my things'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Oct 29, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Once you turn 18, you gain the right to skip town with nothing but the clothes off your back and your identification and start a whole new life. You might've been a know-nothing virgin loser with unusually knobby knees in your hometown of  Bethesda, Maryland, but after a 4-hour bus ride to Newark, New Jersey, and a change of costume, you can be whoever you want to be! That might not be the most popular option in the 21st century, nor would many parents approve of it, but it's your right as an adult nonetheless. Your mom might still tell you what to do when you're living under her roof, and you may choose to follow that order, but legally, she is no longer in charge of your big life decisions. The adult child in this story left her mom's home when she turned 18, and 2 years later, her mom is still trying to retain control of her. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10421896448
    via Matt Forfar

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for not giving my mother my own birth certificate, SS card, and passport back?
    via u/Pure-Ad8049
  • 03
    When I moved out of my mom's house, I took my birth certificate, Social Security card and passport. The passport I've had paid like $200 for recently I asked her if she had my high school diploma and if I could have it so I could get back into school she said that she would look, but she got really mad that I had my own birth certificate, Social Security card and passport and said that they aren't mine legally they are and I told her that she says that I can get a copy but I can't have the origi
    via u/Pure-Ad8049
  • 04
    to get a copy but as for the originals, they are mine she doesn't need them unless she's trying to do fraudulent stuff. I told her if she can get me a copy that's fine but I will not pay for it. I heard it's a tricky process and I don't want to do that because I have the originals anyway to sum it up. I ended up telling her I'm not going to give you my birth certificate, Social Security card and passport especially the passport since I paid for it because she has no necessity or legal right to i
    via u/Pure-Ad8049
  • 05
    Tdluxon ΝΤΑ You didn't say your age but it sounds like you are an adult, in which case there is no reason why your mom would need any of those things and there are plenty of reasons you should have them (if you want to travel, you will need your passport, etc.). Not sure if she is trying to pull something shady or is just weird but they belong to you and there's no reason that she should have them or needs them (or your diploma).
    via u/Tdluxon
  • 06
    Pure-Ad8049 OP I'm 20 and have lived on my own since I was 18
    via u/Pure-Ad8049
  • 07
    Snackinpenguin Those documents are yours especially as you're an adult. By giving these back to her, you put her in a position of power and control. Please, please don't give them to her.
    via u/Snackinpenguin
  • 08
    MeButNotMeToo OP shouldn't even give their mom copies.
    via u/MeButNotMeToo
  • 09
    Rachel1578 Lock down your credit.
    via u/Rachel1578
  • 10
    readthethings13579 I cannot think of a single legitimate reason why their mom would need those documents. There are no legitimate reasons to use the identification documents of another non-disabled adult.
    via u/readthethings13579
  • 11
    drinking-up-the-tea If you're old enough to move out those documents are yours to keep. Why does she want them so badly?
    via u/drinking-up--tea
  • 12
    Pure-Ad8049 OP I'm not a psychologist by any means, but I suspect my mother to be a covert narcissist, which would mean that she sees me as an extension of herself, and not an autonomous being and so some reason she thinks that she has a right to all of my things other than that, I have no clue unless she's trying to do fraudulent things
    via u/Pure-Ad8049
  • 13
    Mobile_Following_198 Don't let her have your things. Lock down your identity because she may have your SS memorized. My mom is a narcissist. I'm in my 30s. My entire adult life she has still tried to control me, which has led to a lot of really bad things for me. A big way she did this was through the controlling of my SS and sensitive documents like this, even going so far as to impersonate me and steal my identity. Please take care of yourself.
    via u/Mobile_Following_198
  • 14
    chalk_in_boots When I was about 14 I switched from primarily staying with my Mum to my Dad because of [redacted behaviour], at 16 went full no contact. During this time, and even after, she would straight up refuse to give me/Dad the originals/copies of any of my important docs (passport, birth cert., citizenship, name change). Was a complete nightmare. She did it specifically to still have some modicum of control over me, trying to force me to reinstate contact etc. Everyone seems to be jumping
    via u/chalk_in_boots
  • 15
    Comfortable-Sea-2454 ΝΤΑ > I ended up telling her I'm not going to give you my birth certificate, Social Security card and passport especially the passport since I paid for it because she has no necessity or legal right to it. Am guessing you are an adult - your mom no longer has any right to your documents unless you want her to have them. Make sure you do a thorough credit check and see if she has opened any cards/accounts under your social security number. Good luck OP.
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 16
    Pure-Ad8049 OP How do I go about the credit check?
    via u/Pure-Ad8049
  • 17
    KaliTheBlaze You go to www.annualcreditreport.com follow the directions to access your annual free credit report from the 3 credit reporting agencies. That will tell you every debt and line of credit open in your name.
    via u/KaliTheBlaze
  • 18
    Icy Department_1423 NTA. You are an adult now and need your original documents. Contact your high school for copies of your records. I find it really weird that your mother insists on having all of your original documents and trying to say that they don't belong to you. They do. Is there any chance she would be up to anyhing nefarious, like opening credit in your name? Or does she think you're too irresponsible to hold on to your own documents?
    via u/Icy_Department_1423
  • 19
    Pure-Ad8049 OP I don't know why she would think that I have lived on my own since I was 18 never had to ask for help with bills or anything
    via u/Pure-Ad8049

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birth certificate documents passport family drama mother identification family social security reddit thread daughter Reddit mom Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
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